Ann Finnemore, Hypnotherapy, Coaching and Stress Management

I blog about the latest research, items appearing in the news, related books I've read and about how the various tools and techniques I use in therapy and coaching work. I also like to pass on any tips that could help you succeed in making any of those changes you've been thinking of (along with the occasional healthy recipe). I hope at least some of what I write makes you think -- that's always a good way to kick off a change of some sort!

Want to change? Start here

Want to change? Start here

Have you come across the story of a person asking directions only to get the reply “Well, you wouldn’t start from here!”. It’s not a particularly useful response is it? You need to know the directions from where you actually are, not from elsewhere.

Although this is obvious when we’re talking about physical journeys, it’s amazing how few people can see that the same is true of their emotional and psychological journeys too – that journey to their goals and ambitions.

Very often, people just don’t accept where they are in their lives with respect to one goal or another and so start thinking about how they’ll get there from another starting point. It can happen with any sort of goal.


For example, a person with excess weight might suffer from low self confidence. Their goal is to lose weight and feel better about themselves. However, as a result of their low self esteem they put off buying new clothes until they’ve lost weight and have improved their confidence. This means that they actually want to start from their end point! Not surprisingly, they will find themselves stuck where they are instead of moving forward, always held back by the lack of having the self confidence that they dream of.


In fact, I’ve come across people in this position who constantly buy clothes that will only fit once they’ve lost weight, rather than clothes that fit now, and so never seem to have anything to wear despite having a full wardrobe. They are therefore confronted with symbols of what they see as their failure, every time they open their wardrobe door.

This reinforces their poor self esteem and reduces even further the chance of them moving forward. If instead, this person simply accepted their current weight and started to buy clothes which fit nicely and so look good, they would be far more likely to find that their confidence improves, which would enable them to get back in control of their body weight.

Acceptance in this sense doesn’t mean thinking that everything is as it should be and therefore shouldn’t be changed. It simply means accepting that the here and now is our starting point and that planning to start from elsewhere isn’t going to get us anywhere. It is about accepting the current situation, without judgement or regret and starting to take our first steps forward.

So, just like any journey, we will achieve our goals only by starting from where we are now. This is true for all our goals, whatever they are and whatever our current situation is.

So, think about your goals – are you stuck in your journey to achieving them? Do check that you’re planning your actions to achieve them from where you are today. Not where you hope to be sometime. That way you can get to where you want to be in life!

If you enjoyed reading this blog, please share with others by tweeting it or sharing on Facebook.  Thank you.

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Monday, 21 October 2019

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