Ann Finnemore, Hypnotherapy, Coaching and Stress Management

I blog about the latest research, items appearing in the news, related books I've read and about how the various tools and techniques I use in therapy and coaching work. I also like to pass on any tips that could help you succeed in making any of those changes you've been thinking of (along with the occasional healthy recipe). I hope at least some of what I write makes you think -- that's always a good way to kick off a change of some sort!

Hands up who's responsible

Hands up who's responsible

When you look around at your life, what do you believe are the reasons you are where you are?  Do you believe your situation is all down to luck (good or bad)?  Do you blame others for any failures or lack of successes in your life -- your parents?  Your school? The government? 

How comfortable are you with the idea that where you are now is a direct result of your own decisions, your own choices and your own beliefs?  What if, where you are now is a reflection of everything you've believed about yourself and the world?

Some people find this really hard to handle.  They feel defensive, angry and insulted at the idea that their life is the result of their own actions.  They feel much more comfortable with someone/something else to blame for their lack of success/happiness/achievement.

Yet, when accepted, this view is incredibly optimistic and empowering.  After all, if our lives are a reflection of our own beliefs and decisions, all we need to do to succeed is to change our beliefs and the decisions we make.

Of course, many people do have a tough start to life.  They have parents who don't care, or they have parents who made them leave school as soon as possible, curtailing their education and, therefore, their immediate job prospects.  However, once a person reaches adulthood, they can make decisions to change all of that.  

If they are unhappy with their career or their income, they can decide to go back to college (here in the UK funding is available for anyone studying for their first Level 2 or first Level 3 qualification) and can even do so part-time while still earning.  They could decide to save and invest in themselves with training in a new skill -- often this can be done through distance learning and so fit around family life.

Or maybe, the person feels their shortcoming isn't about their career or finances, perhaps it's about their relationships or about where and how they live.   Whichever aspect a person feels isn't quite right, the point to remember is that, no matter what has happened, we are responsible for our reaction to it. 

We can react in a way which is self-destructive or we can react in a way which takes us in the direction that we want to go.  The fact is, every morning we have the chance to live our lives differently.  Everyday we can decide to do something differently, to challenge our beliefs, to find a way to live life which truly satisfies us.  

Much of the work I do as a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner is to challenge the belief that many clients hold -- that we are helpless victims of circumstance.  Research has shown that those who hold themselves responsible for their lives are consistently more happy and successful than those who believe their circumstances are controlled by others.  A shift from the latter perspective to the former is a major step forward in both coaching and therapy.  

Therefore, it's always worthwhile, when you're feeling that things aren't as they you'd like them in life, to ask yourself, "Who am I holding responsible for how I am living my life at the moment, for how I am feeling right now?"  If the answer that pops into your head is anything other than "Me", then beware -- you are giving away your power and control over your life. 

Once you realise that of course, you can then admit that it is you who is responsible and then, you can take control back and really get moving on with your life!

If you find yourself stuck and in need of perspective and a shift in your beliefs to enable you to move on with your life, then consider coaching or hypnotherapy.  Conducted in a "working together" and non-judgemental atmosphere, both approaches could really get you moving on with your life and enable you to take it in the direction you want.

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Tuesday, 27 October 2020

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